I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
