So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
