Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
home. puking in laundry basket.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
