also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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