i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
