Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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