I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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