New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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