Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
