Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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