She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
