Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
