I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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