Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
