i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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