I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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