i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
