Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MIDGETS
????
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
