If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
