Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
