The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
