You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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