You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize