Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
