its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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