I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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