just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
