am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
