Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
