oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
