I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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