I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
