OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
