Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
