Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
