Four minutes until I can fart!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
