My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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