I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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