she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
