I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
