Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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