i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
