she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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