the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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