Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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