11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
