Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
