i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
