Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
