why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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