She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
