I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
