Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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