i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
