Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
