I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
