I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We got so high we made milksteak
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize