at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
