I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
