You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
