I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
