That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
