I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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