walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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