Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
