i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
