you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
