i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
