We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
