I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
