Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
