Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize