I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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