the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
