Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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