I'm going to jail i love you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
