You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i now understand why vodka
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize