god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
