If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Randomize
